


I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus

by thelonebamf



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Christmas, Fluff, Gen, M/M, seriously just pure sugar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-18 06:50:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13094703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelonebamf/pseuds/thelonebamf
Summary: When Ellie catches Peter kissing Santa in their living room on Christmas morning, it threatens to ruin the entire holiday. Thankfully, he and Wade come up with a last minute idea to help save the spirit of the season.





	I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a super fluffy holiday idea I had to give me a little mental break from writing more serious stuff. I'm still pretty new to writing fic for this pairing, so as always, comments are appreciated!

“Peter! No! How could you?”

 

The young man pulled back suddenly, mouth still gaping, so a cluster of synthetic beard fluff passed between his lips. He coughed as he felt his face flush, heat rising to his cheeks in a way altogether different than the way it had only moments prior. He looked up at the bearded man he’d just been caught with red-handed (or perhaps “red-suited”?) in a desperate search for answers, but while a pair of blue eyes twinkled back at him, he received only a shrug for his troubles.

 

“E-Ellie!” He stammered, falling over his own feet, the coffee table, and the considerable pile of presents splayed out on the floor. He and Wade had stayed up most of the night to finish the wrapping- and a little “unwrapping” as well. 

 

“It’s not what it looks like, I… we were just…”

 

“You were kissing Santa Claus! In our _ living room! _ On the _ lips! _ On  _ Christmas! _ ” She shouted as she brought her fists down on his chest, legs kicking at his shins as tears threatened to fall from her eyes. 

 

He scrambled to catch her wrists, but it became clear he wouldn’t be able to restrain her without upsetting her further, so Peter let her continue railing against him. 

 

“Ellie, it isn’t what you think. We were just getting the finishing touches ready for today and your dad-”

 

“Dad!” She shrieked, and for a split second she paused in her attack. “What am I going to tell dad? He can always tell if I’m lying. He’s going to find out!” In a rough tumble, she pulled herself free before storming down the hallway and into her room.

 

“This is all your fault!” She shouted. “You have to figure out what to tell him!”

 

With that, she slammed the door to her room closed, turning her radio up as loud as it would go, but Peter could still make out the muffled screams, barely smothered by a pillow.

 

“Somebody’s in hot water…” came a singsong voice from the living room.

 

“You realize this is all your fault, don’t you?” Peter spun around, sighing tightly through his teeth. “ _ How’s about a little Ho-Ho-Hoe _ , indeed.”

 

“Relax,” Wade grinned, running his gloved hand through Peter’s messy locks. “All we have to do is go in there and tell her it was me all along and everything will be fine.”

 

“Is this really how you planned on Ellie learning the truth about Santa?” Peter peered up from under the white trim. “Everything is fine, Ellie-Bellie, you just walked in on your dads smooching and by the way, Santa isn’t real?”

 

“Oh. Hadn’t thought about that.”

 

“This is bad. We’re supposed to be opening presents and drinking cocoa right now, not systematically ruining Christmas.”

 

“It was more accidental than systema-”

 

Peter shoved Wade into the wall with his elbow.

 

“Ow! Okay, you’re right, you’re right.” He sighed. “Alright. I’ll sort this out. Just follow my lead.”

 

“Of course. How could that possibly go wrong?”

 

* * *

 

 

“Ellie?” 

 

“Go away, Peter! Go ruin Christmas somewhere else!”

 

“Now, Ellie,” Wade pressed one hand flat against the door. “Peter did no such thing.”

 

“D-dad?” The girl’s voice squeaked from the far side of the room, and they could hear the quick padding of her feet as she ran to the door. “Did you see? Did he tell you what he did? He was kissing… why are you dressed that way?”

 

Wade rubbed the back of his neck absently, looking away. “We-elll… you see Ellie. I was thinking it might be kinda fun if…”

 

“Your dad is one of Santa’s helpers!” Peter blurted out.

 

Wade and Ellie both turned to him in shock at the outburst, before she sized up her father’s strange outfit for a second time. 

 

“Like the Santas at the mall?” She questioned, lips pursed.

  
  


Peter looked up at Wade for help, clearing his throat in an attempt to give the other man time to interject. Wade opened his mouth and for a moment, Peter thought he might disagree with him, call him out for his story and give Ellie yet another reason to be upset with him.

 

“Exactly like that, Ellie,” Wade piped up at last. “Seems like your dear old dad was a very good boy this year and was asked to help spread Christmas cheer. And I just had to rush home and tell you both and Peter was  _ so _ proud of me he um… well you know.”

 

“Sucked major face?” Ellie suggested.

 

Peter sputtered a wordless protest just as Wade laughed and nodded. “You know it. Can’t keep his hands off me, that guy. And what can I say? I look good in red!”

 

“You always wear red,” she retorted.

 

“And I always look good, don’t I?” He smiled down at her.

 

“Daaaad.”

 

Peter cleared his throat, eyes travelling from Wade’s curious face to Ellie’s stern one. “So we’re all good here then? Misunderstanding resolved? You have to know, Ellie, I’d never do anything that would hurt you or your dad. I love you both too much.”

 

“Maaaybe…” she looked thoughtful.

 

“What is it?”

 

“Do you need any help?” She tugged at the white trimmed sleeve of Wade’s costume. “Only, I bet today is going to be the busiest day of all when it comes to being one of Santa’s helpers, so maybe if we help you, you can get it done faster!”

 

“Uh…” Peter gnawed at his lip. They had plans for today, mostly involving an early visit to Aunt May, but the more he thought about it, the more he saw no reason they couldn’t ride this mild fabrication out a little longer. “Yeah, that might work, right Wade? Operation: Christmas Cheer? We could make a few visits?” He gave a meaningful cough.

 

In an instant, Wade picked up his meaning, nodding eagerly. “Why, I would love some help! But you two are going to need to don some gay apparel if we’re going out.” Without missing a beat he produced two fluffy Santa caps from one of his pockets and dropped them on Peter and Ellie’s heads. With a satisfied grin, he shouted as he made his way to the front door. “Grab your coats- last one to the sleigh is a rotten fruitcake!”

 

“Who’s a fruitcake?” Peter mumbled, pulling on his boots.

 

In a few short seconds, Ellie was dressed and already leaping onto her father’s back for a piggy back ride as they headed out the door, leaving Peter to carry the sack of gifts and treats that had been left on the floor.  The “sleigh” was really just the subway, even though Wade loudly declared it to be “The Christmas Express” as he and Ellie counted down the stations on their way to Queens.

 

 

* * *

 

“Oh my goodness,” May exclaimed as she opened the door for the trio. “What cheerful faces have come to see me!”

 

“Merry Christmas!” Ellie piped up. “We’re helping Santa by spreading Christmas cheer!”

 

“Well, I’m certainly glad that you decided to make a stop at my house on your way. Come in, come in. There’s cocoa waiting.”

 

The three trundled inside, taking off wet boots and sneakers before finding their way to the well-worn sofa in the living room. Even though they’d been here only days prior to hang up every garland, bauble, and scrap of tinsel that the Parkers had ever collected over the years, the whole scene still held a certain sort of magic for Peter. Perhaps it was because it had been so long since Christmas morning had involved anyone besides May and himself. While the holiday was always warm and tender, there was always a sense of melancholy as they couldn’t help but be reminded of the loved ones who weren’t there to celebrate with them.

 

Today though, the atmosphere was wildly different, as Wade filled any available silence by singing off-key Christmas carols, substituting key words with phrases of his own choosing. Peter could never really remember if it was ten “pipers piping” or “drummers drumming”, but he was pretty sure it wasn’t “chi-mi-chan-gas” or “tacos talking” or whatever else Wade’s imagination supplied. 

 

Ellie was busy scolding him for “forgetting” the words to the songs, insisting he should know better and that she would just have to sing the right ones over him for the rest of the day, to which he had no complaints. But the entire matter was dropped as soon as May produced a tray of cookies ready for decorating.

 

“You can’t use all the red sprinkles!” Ellie insisted. “It isn’t fair!”

 

“But my gingerbread men got in a fight with holiday ninjas! See? They were throwing Christmas stars everywhere. Wssh! Wssh!”

 

“Still, you have to share! It’s Christmas!”

 

“Okay, okay.” Wade scooted the bottle closer to her, flashing a smile at Peter who was still sipping his drink and chatting with May. 

 

“It’s so nice to have a full house again for the holidays,” she smiled. “Thanksgiving was quite an adventure as well.”

 

Peter grinned, his face growing warm. “You’re telling me. I was picking bits of turkey out of my hair for a week.”

 

“Hey what happened to these two?” Ellie held up a pair of cookies that had baked together in the oven. “They’re stuck!”

 

“Well you see Ellie,” Wade started, a twinkle in his eye, “when two cookies love each other very much…”

 

“Why don’t I just take that one!” Peter interjected, snatching the cookie out of the air and taking a large bite out of the two headed treat.

 

Wade laughed, returning to his sprinkle simulated violence. “Spoilsport.”

 

* * *

 

 

A few hours later they headed out the door with several plastic sacks of cookies tied up with ribbon. Ellie had insisted on allowing everyone to eat only one cookie, much to Wade’s disappointment. May had helped her wrap up the rest.

 

“So back home then? We still have to-”

 

“We aren’t finished yet!” Ellie interrupted, spinning on her heel so quickly she almost slipped on the ice. “Operation: Christmas Cheer has just begun!”

 

“Uh, that’s right!” Wade nodded. “We have lots more cheer to spread. So what’s next on the agenda then chief?”

 

She looked down at the parcels of treats in her hands then back up at the expectant faces of her fathers. 

 

“Well… I had one idea…”

 

* * *

 

 

“This is honestly not what I thought I’d be doing at 2 PM on Christmas Day,” Peter whispered.

 

“No? Can you think of a better way to spend the day?” Wade poured out another ladle of soup before handing the bowl back to a pair of eagerly waiting hands.

 

“Didn’t say that.” Peter looked out into the room where several folding tables were set up, dozens of people bustling between them, some serving, some eating, most looking a little tired and worse for wear. “Just surprised is all. I didn’t expect Ellie to bring us to a soup kitchen. I don’t think it’s how I would have wanted to spend my christmas when I was eight. And I was a good kid!”

 

“You’re still a good kid,” Wade grinned, giving him a quick bump of the hip.

 

Peter snorted. “Just saying, it’s really something.”

 

“Ellie takes Christmas seriously, just like her old man.” Wade looked out into the room, watching the girl’s cheerful red cap bobbed up and down around the room as she made her way from table to table.

 

“Old is right, did you even have to buy the beard with that costume?”

 

“Hey my face is as smooth as a baby’s bottom! Assuming that baby had a nasty run in with a toxic waste dump and two thousand gallons of expired formula.”

 

“Oh hush.” Peter squeezed his arm gently, “And be careful, you’re starting to spill.”

* * *

 

 

“Did you hand out all the cookies?” Wade asked, peering down at Ellie.

 

“Yep!” She nodded, holding up a large empty paper sack for inspection. “Everyone was really happy and said they tasted great.”

 

“That would be May’s secret gingerbread recipe,” Peter offered. “Well, she says it’s secret. I’m pretty sure she just gets it off the bottle of spices. Still, you can’t beat that classic flavor.”

 

“Dad…” Ellie tugged at the sleeve of Wade’s costume, her eyes scanning the room. “There was one guy… I gave him a tree cookie that I decorated, and he said it was really pretty… he said he used to be in the army. Like you, right?”

 

“Oh…” Wade’s voice softened, not quite a whisper but lacking it’s usual gusto. “That was a long time ago, El.”

 

“I know, but I told him you were and he said I should be proud of you and I told him I was,” she beamed up at him. “He also said you should be proud of me and buy me a great big doll but I let him know what I really want is a dirt bike. That made him laugh but he said it was okay.”

 

“Damn right…” Wade chuffed, looking back out into the room. Even without a description to go on, his eyes immediately found the weary face of a man who had seen too much, his hands slowly breaking apart a cookie trimmed in green and gold. As if feeling Wade’s gaze upon him, he looked up, and gave a faint smile and nod in his direction. Wade offered a a lazy two fingered salute before pulling Ellie tight to his side, squeezing her shoulder before the three of them started the task of tidying up.

 

* * *

 

  
  


“You sure about this Ellie Belly?” Wade asked, peering down at his daughter, who stared forward resolutely, even as she held his hand tight. “It’s already dark out.”

 

Indeed the sun had already dipped below the tops of the city skyline, leaving the streetlights and shop displays to illuminate their path in its place. 

 

“Mmhmm!” She nodded, tugging his arm and pulling him after her, as though he was having trouble keeping pace. “This will help us spread so much cheer, I know it!” 

 

“You’re the boss.”

 

“I know,” she grinned back at him.

 

Before too long the three of them were standing in the lobby of a downtown hospital. Peter fidgeted with his scarf, always feeling a little awkward when he ended up having to wear winter clothes over his spider suit. Wade had foregone his leathers and had opted to simply don his mask in addition to the Santa outfit, claiming that it was still “on brand”. 

 

“We both have lists, check ‘em twice. Deliver what’s coming to the naughty and nice!” He’d told Peter in a sing-song voice.

 

“I’m never going to be able to hear that song the same way again,” he’d groaned.

 

“Probably for the best. I mean there’s probably just one guy in red you want seeing you while you’re sleeping and it’s not some chubby old guy who only goes out once a year, if you know what I mean.”

 

“Ugh,” Peter rolled his eyes behind his mask. “Let’s just focus on the kids, yeah?”

 

“Right-o!” 

 

Wade sauntered up to the front desk and explained the situation with copious hand gestures and more pantomime than was strictly necessary to get the point of cross, but then that was always his way. The nurse gave him a skeptical look, but it softened when she saw Ellie standing next to Spider-Man, both wearing red hats and looking mostly harmless just a few feet away.

 

“Come with me,” she said, rising slowly to her feet and leading them to a nearby elevator. They only had to go up a few floors before the doors opened again, and it was Ellie who stepped through them first. She peered around, taking in the garlands and paper chains before nodding and beckoning to the two of them.

 

“You gonna be okay?” Peter whispered, hand brushing against Wade’s as they followed.

 

“Yeah…” Wade nodded, though Peter could detect the slightest amount of strain in his voice. “S’fine. It’s kids. It’s Christmas. Just gotta focus on that.”

 

Before Peter could answer he found himself on the receiving end of an extra tight bear hug and knee level, as a small child had crept over in a show of unbridled excitement.

 

“‘Pi-man!” She babbled, showing no sign of releasing her grip. There was no more time for debate, it was show time.

 

“That’s right!” He beamed, scooping her up with one arm. “Your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man here to wish you all a very Merry Christmas!”

 

She squealed and the commotion brought several onlookers out from their various rooms and common areas, some still gripping crayons and toy cars in their tiny hands, others wheeling out their IV poles as they peered into the hall.  Peter offered them all an exaggerated wave as he lifted the young girl onto his shoulder, much to her delight.

 

The lead nurse looked doubtful. “I hadn’t heard anything about a special visit…”

 

“It was sort of spur of the moment, Christmas miracle kind of thing,” Wade piped up. “Young Miss Ellie’s idea, and a very good one at that.”

 

“And you are who, exactly?” She asked. “Spider-Santa?”

 

“I can be whoever you want me to be,” he laughed, resting one elbow on the counter. “So you’re a nurse, huh?” He winked at her, chuckling a little when her cheeks went red.

 

“That’s Deadpool!” came an excited shout from down the hall. “He’s the coolest, butt-kickingest, ninja-flipping, shoot-gunner ever! He’s…” the boy looked both ways, checking for adults, “ _...bad ass _ !” 

 

“That’s right!” Wade answered cheerfully, overshadowing the nurse’s shushing and hissed whisper of  _ “language” _ , to which the boy paid no heed. “So what are nice kids like you doing in a joint like this? Don’t you guys know it’s Christmas? Shouldn’t you be out having snowball fights and sledding and eating too many cookies? Actually that sounds awesome, mind if I join you?”

 

“We gotta stay here,” the boy grumbled. “Just because we’re sick. I don’t even feel that sick, I feel just fine most of the time anyway. But my mom and dad say that, that just because I have a… a chronic condition that I gotta be careful and…”

 

“Well you should definitely listen to your folks,” Wade assured him. “Especially when you have good ones that care about you. But you just keep your game face on, keep fighting and you’ll be outta here in no time.”

 

That seemed to satisfy both the child and the nurse, who returned to her desk, seemingly content to let the children enjoy their celebrity guests.

 

It was then that Peter reappeared, several boys and girls following him like a squad of ducklings as he held up a number of slim volumes in the air.

 

“Since it’s getting a little closer to lights out, I was thinking maybe a story?” He offered the books to Wade. “I’m not much of a dramatic reader but I know that you-”

 

“Oh puh-lease, let me read the Grinch. I love the Grinch!” Wade snatched the book from his hand and quickly found a spot on the sofa in the lounge, immediately followed by the crowd. 

 

Peter had to admit that the children’s ward could have done worse for a reader than Wade Wilson, who always poured every ounce of his flair for drama and excitement into any book he read. He’d heard him telling bedtime stories to Ellie several times before and he didn’t think he’d ever heard anyone tell the tale of Winnie the Pooh with quite so much gusto. Before too long, the children were seated and Wade had launched into reading the classic Seuss story, his voice effortlessly shifting between the Grinch’s grouchy grumble, and Cindy-Lou Who’s falsetto. 

 

Even Ellie, who had no doubt heard the story several times before sat enraptured, eyes sparkling as her father turned page after page. And if she or Peter noticed the faint hitch in his voice as the Who’s and the Grinch sat down to share the roast beast, neither of them mentioned it at all.

 

* * *

 

“That was quite a day,” Peter said softly, fiddling with his key until it slipped into the lock, front door swinging wide open. “Can’t remember the last time I felt so exhausted, even after patrol.”

 

“Don’t tell me you’re beat,” Wade smiled down at him, adjusting the sleeping girl in his arms as he kicked the door closed behind him.

 

“No… well… yes,” Peter admitted. “But it’s a good kind of tired. Muscles sore, bones aching, heart light.”

 

“It’s a nice feeling, isn’t it? Wish it would stick around.”

 

Peter offered him a small smile. “I guess that’s what the whole ‘Christmas spirit all year ‘round’ mentality is about.” He fell onto the sofa, kicking his sneakers off as Wade gently laid Ellie beside him.

 

“We forgot to open our presents,” he said casually, observing the pile of gifts still flooding out from under their tree. 

 

“They’ll keep,” Wade answered softly, tucking a unruly hair behind Ellie’s ear. “Besides, I think Ellie had the right idea. I don’t know the last time I’ve felt so good. No present under that tree or any tree could give me that.”

 

“Not even a heat seeking nuclear powered rocket launcher?”

 

“You didn’t!”

 

“I did not.” Peter laughed. “It was just a hypothetical.”

 

“Aw, shucks.” Wade settled back into his seat, fingers drawing lazy circles at the nape of Peter’s neck. “But I guess I’m not _ too  _ disappointed…”

 

“Oh no?”

 

“Nah. Christmas is about the giving, not the getting.” He buried the tip of his nose, ice cold against Peter’s head, eliciting a surprised yelp and gentle shove that still failed to rouse Ellie from her sleep.

 

“Besides, I’ve got the best two gifts right here.”


End file.
